‘Heartbreaking’: Kiwi mum on life after escaping Gloriavale

Pearl Valor shared her story for the TVNZ documentary Escaping Utopia. Photo / Selina Nunn
When Pearl Valor reflects on the key reasons that led to her and husband Paul breaking away from the reclusive Gloriavale community, one stands out above the rest: “We wanted to give our kids a better life than we had.”
Almost three years on, the couple and their five children, aged from 4 to 11, are thriving after moving to South Canterbury, well away from the isolated West Coast sect that previously controlled every aspect of their lives.
“It’s exciting to see our kids having a childhood which is very different to ours,” says Pearl. “They are happy, healthy, and know they are loved and valued as humans.”
Pearl, 34, who shared her compelling story on the recent TVNZ documentary Escaping Utopia, explains there were many moments and events over the years that led to the family finally leaving the insular community.
One of the most pivotal was Pearl’s chance encounter with Christchurch woman Renae Low at a Gloriavale concert in 2018. Their instant connection and close friendship proved a significant turning point for Pearl, opening her eyes to life outside the community and questioning everything she had been taught.
“My best piece of advice for anyone in a situation where they are being controlled is to make a friend on the outside who has a different perspective,” she explains. “I can’t state that enough. My friendship with Renae was a key to my journey out.”
The women’s close bond is clear when Woman’s Day chats with Pearl at Renae’s home on the outskirts of Christchurch. Two of their daughters, who are also besties, happily disappear into another room to watch a movie. It’s a scene that’s so natural for Pearl now, yet it’s something she couldn’t have imagined just three years ago.
Renae shares her joy at watching her friend “absolutely fly” since leaving Gloriavale.
“Everyone who has met Pearl through me is just in awe of her,” she enthuses. “It can take women a long time to adjust to outside life, but Pearl has grabbed it with two hands and is making the most of everything!”
Simple things, like being in charge of her own finances or choosing whatever books she wants to read at the library, were eye-opening experiences for Pearl when she started her new life.
Looking back, she says being a “tomboy and curious kid” made it difficult for her to fit into the secretive West Coast community from the start.
“They wanted girls to be sweet, submissive and obedient, and I was quite opinionated when I was young, so not a good Gloriavale girl,” she smiles. “Instead of fostering decision-making and being taught to form our own opinions, it was beaten out of us and shut down.”
At just 15, Pearl was working fulltime in the community of more than 600 people, often rising at 2am to make a start on her chores alongside the other women who cooked, cleaned, did laundry and cared for the children.
“It was normal for us to be shamed or humiliated if something went wrong, and being pregnant was no excuse to slow down,” she recalls.
Pearl was 20 weeks pregnant with her fourth child when she and Renae had their unexpected meeting. Renae’s brother worked in an industry associated with Gloriavale, and secured tickets for Renae and some of her friends to attend a concert at the community.
“We were curious about what was going on at Gloriavale and thought it would be a bit of a girls’ adventure,” tells Renae.
However, the concert was a sobering experience for the young Christchurch women, who saw the reality of life inside the reclusive sect.
“We could tell the women were putting on a really brave face, but underneath they were sad and controlled,” recalls Renae. “It was heartbreaking. I faked a migraine so we could leave early as I didn’t want to feel complicit in what was going on.”
As they left, the women ran into Pearl, who, despite her advanced pregnancy, had been given the physically demanding task of organising the guest rooms for the event. Pearl remembers feeling amazed when one of Renae’s friends asked about her welfare.
“She said, ‘You’re pregnant. Aren’t you tired doing all that work?’ I hadn’t thought about it because it was normal to be tired all the time and we were constantly pushing ourselves, even when we were pregnant. We were trained to follow, obey and never question.”
Pearl accompanied the women back to their car, where they talked some more. She and Renae swapped addresses, and an unlikely friendship was cemented.
A few months later, Pearl frighteningly went into labour six weeks early, when her placenta started to come away.
“If we had any complications with our pregnancies or home births, we are told we [were] doing something wrong or must have sinned,” reveals Pearl.
While she and her baby were recovering at Christchurch Hospital, Pearl was visited by some of her four siblings who had already left Gloriavale, including her sister Rosie Overcomer and brother-in-law Elijah, who have also widely shared their story.
“It was tough to keep the connection going as, on the inside, we were only ever told the official version of why they had left,” explains Pearl. “It was great to hear their stories, and when they came to the community to visit us, we could see for ourselves that their happy, thriving families didn’t match the narrative we were being told.”
When Pearl’s husband Paul started having health issues, the couple had to make long drives to hospital appointments in Nelson and Christchurch, which gave them the chance to talk freely about their own plans to leave. Pearl was given a cellphone to allow her to communicate with doctors on her husband’s behalf, and she started secretly emailing her siblings and Renae.
In December 2021, the Valor family finally left Gloriavale for good.
Pearl believes it’s important survivors tell their stories so the truth about what is going on behind the gates remains in the public eye. She is one of six women fighting for workers’ rights in a slave-labour case against Gloriavale. The Employment Court ruled last year they were indeed employees, potentially paving the way for compensation.
In mid-October, Pearl is speaking at the inaugural Decult Conference in Christchurch, alongside other cult survivors and experts from various fields. On a special Gloriavale panel, she will talk about the slave labour allegations against the sect and how her medical needs were compromised, especially her physical and mental health, during pregnancy and childbirth.
Pearl’s important input will highlight the lack of cult awareness in the New Zealand health system, says Anke Richter, organiser of Decult, which aims to create awareness of the pervasive harm inflicted by high-control groups in Aotearoa, so better support can be offered to prevent cultic harm in the future.
“I’m excited to meet people at Decult with similar yet different experiences to me,” tells Pearl. “Gloriavale hides behind religion but has the same flavour as the next cult.”
When it comes to advice for how wider society can make a difference to people in high-control groups, Pearl again draws on her own experience.
“When I used to go into town for appointments, I would hear someone yell out, ‘Hey, Gloriavale’, because of my uniform. I wanted to say, ‘I’ve actually got a name’. People often thought we were cold, but we were really just unsure.
“It would have made all the difference if someone had come up and said, ‘Hi, how are you? Do you need help?’ It’s those kind of connections which can really make a difference.”